For one hour, he believed it. And that was enough.
The Abbott’s Reckoning
The abbott stood at the rain-streaked window of his stone cell, watching the novices file toward the chapel for vespers. Their black robes clung to their thin shoulders, whipped sideways by the October wind. He had chosen this life forty years ago—the silence, the labor, the weight of a wooden cross against his chest—but tonight, a familiar doubt scratched at his ribs like a mouse in the wainscoting. abbott
Brother Pius had been found weeping in the herb garden again, whispering the name of a woman he’d left behind in Lyon. Young Brother Thomas had hidden a flint and steel in his mattress, a small rebellion against the rule of perpetual prayer. And the abbott himself, their shepherd, their father in God, had just dreamed of riding a stolen horse across a green meadow, laughing. For one hour, he believed it
Then the chapel bell rang—once, twice, three times—and he straightened his back. He walked down the winding stairs, his sandals slapping the worn granite. When he pushed open the heavy oak door, sixty faces turned toward him, expectant. He stepped to the lectern, opened the worn leather psalter, and began to read in a voice that did not waver. Their black robes clung to their thin shoulders,
He pressed his thumb to the cold glass. What kind of abbott am I , he thought, if I cannot even master my own longing?