Let me walk you through a typical weekend, as experienced by four friends who thought they were booking “luxury relaxation” and instead found themselves in a gauntlet of chaos. Los Cabos International Airport (SJD) is the first circle of hell. After a 3-hour flight delay caused by “operational congestion” (airline code for too many planes, too few gates ), you deplane onto a tarmac where the heat hits like a wet blanket. Inside, the immigration line snakes past duty-free shops, doubling back on itself like a python digesting a goat. Wait time: 90 minutes minimum.

Then comes the rental car gauntlet. You booked a compact SUV for $40/day. What you get: a dusty sedan with a flickering check-engine light, after 45 minutes of paperwork, upsold insurance you don’t need, and a shuttle driver who looks at you like you’ve personally offended his ancestors.

So if your boss asks why you need Thursday and Friday off for that long weekend, tell them the truth: you’re not going to Cabo for relaxation. You’re going to survive it. And you’ll need Monday to recover.

You try to take an Uber back to your hotel. Surge pricing: $65 for a 7-minute ride. You walk. Bad idea. The unlit sidewalk ends abruptly, and you nearly step into an open storm drain. Checkout is 11:00 AM. You wake up at 8:00 to pack, but the room above you has been doing what sounds like furniture rearrangement since 6:00 AM. (It’s not furniture.) At checkout, they hit you with a “resort fee” of $50/night that was “clearly disclosed in the fine print.” It wasn’t.

Cabo: Weekend Nightmare Headline: Paradise Lost: When a Weekend in Cabo Turns Into a Travel Horror Story By J. Hayes Special to the Travel Desk

You made a reservation at a highly-rated spot on the marina. You arrive on time. The hostess says, “It will be 20 minutes.” Forty-five minutes later, you’re seated between a bachelor party doing shots of Mezcal and a family whose toddler is using a breadstick as a drumstick. Your $45 fish tacos arrive cold. The mariachi band plays directly into your left ear for 15 straight minutes. The Nightlife Trap Cabo’s nightlife is legendary. But on a Saturday in high season, the main strip (Calle Miguel Hidalgo) becomes a human conveyor belt. The clubs charge $30 cover even with a wristband from the “promoter” who swore it was free. Drinks are watered down. At 1:00 AM, the street is a slurry of spilled beer, broken glass, and people crying over lost phones.

The drive back to SJD should take 45 minutes. On a Sunday afternoon, it takes 2 hours, thanks to a single-lane highway clogged with hungover tourists, shuttle vans, and a sudden topes (speed bump) every 500 meters. At the airport, the security line winds outside into the heat. Someone faints. The airline announces that your flight is delayed—again—and offers a $10 food voucher that can’t be used anywhere in the terminal.