Later that day, in the tool shed, Sheldon successfully modified Meemaw’s spare Betamax deck to encode video using his primitive h264-like logic. The result? A tape that played Young Sheldon S01E19 (yes, the one about gluons and guacamole) with such pristine clarity that when he showed his family, they gasped.

“It’s not existential, Mother. It’s technological.” He pointed at the TV. “That episode we recorded—‘The Case of the Cosmic Microwave Background’—I’ve watched it fourteen times. And each time, I notice artifacts. Blocking in the dark areas. Motion judder during the professor’s hand gestures.”

Missy, eating cereal, muttered, “The only artifact around here is you.”

But today was different. Today, Sheldon wasn’t thinking about gluons or the weak nuclear force. He was thinking about pixels.

George Sr., mid-bite into a guacamole-drenched tortilla chip, froze. “Son, it’s seven in the morning. I haven’t even had my first coffee.”